Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
