And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
