her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize