Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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