If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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