Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize