The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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