After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
