apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
