It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
