idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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