she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
