spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
