Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.