Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
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You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson