I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.