I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
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the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
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I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.