wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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