Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
