Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
