my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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