Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
