My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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