PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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