Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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