pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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