I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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