Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
