please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
