I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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