his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
