he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
A+ Viking dick
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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