Apparently you make a good broom.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Your cock deserves a montage
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
