I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
