literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
