im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize