Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
