Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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