You were right. It hurts to walk today.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
