god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
