Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
