bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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