i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
