I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
