I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I met the friendliest cop last night
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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