If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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