I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
