I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
