pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
