Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
