oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
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