she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
