I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
