bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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