based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
