Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
