When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Barsexuality is the new black.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
