In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize