I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
