Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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