rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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