i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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