Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
