Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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