apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
