When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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