He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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